My “Hood!”
Please describe, in detail, what you like or dislike about the neighborhood in which you live.
My neighborhood, or “hood,” as we (my friends and I) like to refer to it, is about two miles from the town’s center. My wife and I, and Josephine Baker, our trans daughter, live in a house right smack in the middle of the “hood.” So we have a pretty good sense of it.
We like to sit outside and just people watch. It’s amazing what you can learn about people when you just sit and observe people. People can be pretty surprising, even when they might seem boring, stuck up, or just so “suburban.” Like Mike, the guy who rides a golf cart past our house every day around 4:38. Why? We don’t know! But we do know he likes golf, or so we would assume.
Sometimes he has Jerry Dunning’s wife in there with him, and they seem to be having a great time. Jerry works a lot of late nights at the Democratic headquarters, what with the election coming up and a shortage of volunteers. I would be there myself, helping out, but I’m too busy enjoying my awesome neighborhood! I’d probably just get in the way anyhow.
You might think our ‘hood sounds pretty “whitebread” with all the Mikes and Jerries and Jerry’s wives and all, but theres actually quite a bit of diversity. For instance, Hiong Pow (sp?) walks by every morning with her exotic dog. She’s an art professor at Schmelting. She makes these sculptures out of ramen noodles — or as I told her at a party one time when there was a “block party,” she doodles with noodles! — and she’s been a little cold to me ever since. She probably just doesn’t know how to take me.
And the two African Americans who ride by several times a day, treating us to their “hip — hop” music, smoke bellowing out of the windows of their zooped-up 1968 Chevy Nova. I think one of them is named Ammo Kool Katt because that’s what it said on the side of his car, if it was his car: “Ammo Kool Katt.” I waved to them for weeks it seems before I got a little nod from the guy in the passenger’s seat — who probably wasn’t Ammo Kool Katt, because why would the passenger of a car have his name on the side of the car when it wasn’t his? Unless, they were gay partners, which would be fine.
Pour into the mix a whole bunch of more Asians, middle Easterners and more black people of color, and you’ve got quite the melting pot. Seriously, I think it is wonderful how we can all live together and never damage each other’s property or create disturbances, like the ones we had before we started a neighborhood watch group, or, as I like to joke, “Hoodwatch!” (Ha ha.)
Sometimes Jenny and I sit and marvel at how great and variable our neighborhood really is. No one ever let’s their dog run free, so we don’t have to risk getting bit in the crotch every time we step out of the house. And there aren’t many cats either, except for the neighbor’s cat who has mange or something. I’m going to talk to that neighbor about it as soon as we finally meet. (We seem to keep very different schedules.)
I wish I could say no one ever locks their doors, but I’m kind of a stickler about that because of my samurai sword collection, because I love other cultures, especially the samurai types. It’s all about honor, and honoring your word, not chopping people in half like most people think. But where was I? Oh yes! How safe the neighborhood is. You don’t have to lock your doors, because everyone who lives here doesn’t need your possessions. It’s very comforting to know there aren’t desperate people around, who would just as soon take something of yours as shake your hand.
You never know who you’re going to meet in my neighborhood. One time a car stopped and the driver said something we couldn’t understand and Jenny ran down to the curb to talk to the guy, who as it turned out was an out-of-towner, and then she got in the car, and off they went. When Jenny gives out directions, she wants them to be followed! I guess maybe they weren’t though, because she wasn’t back home for another two hours and when she was she didn’t want to talk about it.
Sometimes I feel like she bends over backward too far to help people, but that’s just who she is. She’s very limber, ha ha. I just don’t know why she wouldn’t want to talk about how she helped people. If it were me I would never stop talking about it! Yammer yammer yammer!
As far as walking, our neighborhood is the best. We walk our Irish Wolfhound, Joyce, all over the streets. And, yes, we “pick up” after him. We go through quite a few Hefty bags! One time I impulsively threw an “occupied” bag at a car that was going too fast in our neighborhood. The driver stopped, and Joyce and I had to “hightail” it through some back yards. Phew!
So, all in all, our neighborhood is the best. Come by and see it some time! But make sure you let us know you are visiting. Hoodwatch is watching you!
